WE buy any club.com

[henry8]

looking at how things are done it lower league and EFL football and the crooks who kill clubs just for gain i had this sent to me yesterday. I think it is typical of how the Shysters get hold of clubs.

1. First identify a desperate non league tin pot football club, and promise them the earth.
2. Set up a limited company with a couple of mates installing yourself as Director and your pals as shareholders..
3. Deposit a modest amount of capital and turn it into shares to convince current owners your serious and mean business. (say £200k should do the trick)
4. Providing your main company looks as if it can fund the venture, you don't have a criminal conviction, and your not a bankrupt. That should also be enough to pass the leagues fit and proper persons test too.
5. Congratulations!! Your good to go.

Q&A's

Question. What personal qualities do I need?

Answer. Very little really. But it helps if you are a narcissist, and an egotistic maniac. Deceitfulness, and being a compulsive liar will also be invaluable traits to have in your new venture.

Question. My main tool making company, only turns over 800k, and I have 4 employees, also don't want to risk my own cash. How can I fund a football club?

Answer. No problem, we get asked this one a lot. Never use your own money. You can channel funds in the form of third party loans. (or bank loans if you prefer) into the club via the limited company. This way you never have to part with actual cash.

Question. Isn't this illegal, and wouldn't the league become suspicious?

Answer. No perfectly legal. The leagues not interested as long as a club can pay its bills, wages, etc.it's a good idea to make sure the club meets interest payments of loans on time (even if it can't afford to pay the actual loan) to maintain a steady line of credit. You can trade for many years this way until debts catch up with and out pace what the club can actually generate. Only then does it become a problem

Another tip is register as a not for profit organisation, or a community asset even better .Plenty of extra low interest loans and Grant's to be had this way. plus massive tax breaks giving you extra spending power. All on the never never!!

Question. You say a modest capital of £200k. Where do I get this from?

Answer. Easy! Just put it in as sponsorship or donation from your tool company. It's a tax write off anyway, so in the long run won't cost your tool company a penny. Also Don't forget! If your lucky enough to find a club with any assets worth having, you can also use this to raise more loans, or sell it and get your sponsorship/donation back.

Question. The club I'm looking at only has an average fanbase of 350, and struggles to pay it's way already. How can I compete with bigger clubs with larger fanbases?.

Answer. You're forgetting. This isn't a sound business opportunity. How can it be? There's no real investment going in. And the club is leaking money from day one. Just think of it as a way to feed your ego for a while and have some fun along the way.

As far as fanbase size goes, that's irrelevant. With the vast amounts of loans your able to access. This gives you a huge advantage, and in the unlikely event of a pandemic or such, allows you to keep trading and racking up even more debt, while you can laugh at your rivals struggling to make ends meet. after all it's not your money!.
Your hobby club should easily be able to out spend proper clubs ensuring that you can employ the services of only the very best players. In turn boosting your ego even further.

Question. What happens when the club can no longer pay it's debts. Will my home or tool business be at risk?

Answer. Relax, absolutely not!! That's the beauty of setting up your limited company in the first place.. Both you and your pals, are not legally liable or responsible for any outstanding debts or loans the limited company incurred. So you can feel safe in the knowledge your mansion and tool business are safe. And you can point the finger at the hobby clubs fanbase claiming it's THEIR fault the club went bankrupt, for not getting behind it after all the money you put in.
Still not convinced!!
Read our happy customer reviews.

Brilliant!! What a great service "We buy any club" give. I was sceptical at first. But now after many years of fun. I'm on to my 5th club , I also got the family involved and their also totally on board. And they enjoy it as much as I do, what a buzz . Just gone International.
STEPHEN. VAUGHAN (snr)

Great service!! What can I say about. "We buy any club." They helped me every step of the way. For an extra £££s you get your own personal consultant "Dwayne" what a great bloke very knowledgeable.
Mr Moss

Fantastic service!! 2nd to non I screwed 2 clubs who are only 12 miles apart, my pockets were never empty...Thank you 'We buy any club'
Mr m Gutterman.

Outstanding!!! Very happy with the service provided. Useful and helpful information. great tips! .I also paid extra for the premium package consultant service. Dwayne was very helpful. However I was a little disappointed on the section on "what happens if the owners don't want to sell subject" tried to contact Dwayne on numerous occasions but he was always out of the office and never returned my call. But still gets the thumbs up from me.
Mr S. Murphy.

Incredible!!! I set my sights higher. So imagine my joy when I contacted "We buy any club". And they assured me they were able to help. I only paid £1 for the club...what a bargain! I managed to get my club all the way to League1 before the bubble burst ! but what a ride. It didn't cost me a penny thanks to Dwayne's expert advice guiding me through tricky financial obstacles. I am still sitting on a football ground that i took a mortgage out on in the clubs name. Pocketed tons of money. Highly recommended.....
Mr Steve Dale.

All tongue in cheek of course but it does make you wonder if their is a Webuyanyclub Shysters and conman club!

[percy vere]

If there was and I was a jester fan I would immediately be worried at part 1

[FieldtownRed]

Very funny and sadly very true.